Overview
One of the subjects Robin Bryant, Ph.D. helps clients broach in her practice is parental disagreement. It’s a common spot of contention that benefits greatly from open communication and guided support. This blog post is an introduction to a few key concepts and patterns you can explore in couples therapy. You and your partner, if you’re both reading along, will gain a greater awareness of how your differences show up in parenting and how to navigate them more effectively.
Highlights
Introduction
Having a child can change the way you and your partner respond to one another. Even if you discuss and tentatively “agree” on how to raise a child before having one, new problems arise, and suddenly you find yourselves gridlocked, lost on how to move forward in a healthy and respectful way.
This is where therapy can help. Rather than a battleground of ideas, it’s a place where compassionate understanding can be discovered. Knowing what therapy offers is the first step toward that end.
Why Do Parenting Conflicts Arise?
Parenting conflicts often seem to have a clear cause, but even in those cases, it doesn’t make a resolution any easier to reach. Parental disagreements may be used to air out deeper frustrations and resentments that have nothing to do with the child or the issue at hand. This medley of confusion and emotional layering can make it hard to identify what the original conflict was.
The “why” is still an important question—it’s just a multi-layered one. Once you begin to unpack the emotional triggers and expectations driving each partner’s behavior, you can start to make more sense out of what’s unraveling. As individual narratives are often projected onto current parenting situations, you might not come seamlessly to a conclusion with your partner about where to begin.
What Are Common Parenting Disagreements?
There are numerous ways in which parenting conflicts emerge. Relationships between individuals are a blend of personal history, values, and communication styles, creating a unique set of potential stress points when raising a child together. What feels intuitive to one partner may seem misguided or even harmful to the other, and over time, these differences become sources of tension if not addressed.
One not ubiquitous but still very common place where parenting conflicts arise is in emotional responsiveness. One partner may prioritize validating a child’s feelings, while the other emphasizes problem-solving or maintaining emotional composure. These differences, despite the potential to work synergistically, often clash without communication or shared intent.
Another is how parents manage a child’s social development—things like playdates, extracurricular commitments, or how much independence a child should have. One partner may value structure and planned engagement, while the other believes in unstructured play and child-led exploration. Without alignment, each decision can become a battle, especially as both parents act from a place of care.
Discipline and Rule Enforcement
Discipline is one of the most emotionally charged and value-driven aspects of parenting. It’s often tied to deeper beliefs about safety, respect, and how children learn right from wrong. But because these beliefs are so foundational, partners may feel especially defensive when their approach is questioned.
There are a few simple but high-stakes situations that can demonstrate this conflict. For example, one parent might enforce a consequence like taking away screen time for breaking a rule, while the other returns the device to avoid further distress. Moments like these can lead to feelings of being undermined or ignored, weakening the united front that children need for consistent boundaries.
Division of Parental Responsibilities
Division of labor is a frequent cause of argument in parenting, where one or both parents feel overburdened or unappreciated. Responsibilities may not be evenly shared, or at least may be perceived that way, leading to resentment.
Some responsibilities that often lead to conflict include:
- Morning and bedtime routines
- School drop-offs and pickups
- Meal planning and preparation
- Homework supervision
- Managing medical appointments
These issues need to be openly acknowledged and regularly revisited in order to reach a sustainable balance. When couples approach the division of responsibilities with mutual respect (an important ingredient as you’ll see), it fosters a stronger partnership and reduces tension across the household.
How Does Relationship Therapy Help With Parenting Issues?
You wouldn’t make the decision to pursue relationship therapy if you didn’t think you had something to gain. You quite naturally need an idea of how specifically you and your partner will be guided and what’s demanded of both of you in order to set expectations and move toward unified ground. Therapy is structured around your needs as individuals and as a couple, so what you stand to gain depends on your willingness to engage honestly.
A few key skills and frameworks are discussed below.
Neutral Ground for Discussion
One of the reasons therapy is so effective for parenting conflicts is that it offers a neutral environment, free from the emotional charge of day-to-day arguments. It’s not about assigning blame or proving who’s “right,” but about creating space where both partners feel heard and understood without defensiveness. A therapist serves as an impartial guide, helping to clarify each person’s perspective while keeping the focus on shared goals.
For example, if one parent feels unsupported during stressful bedtime routines and the other feels criticized no matter what they do, a session can help each partner explain their experience without interruption or escalation. The therapist helps distill the core of the conflict, like a need for appreciation, so the couple can move forward with an effective plan.
Communication and Active Listening Skills
Developing better communication is a cornerstone of most couples counseling work. Many sessions focus on slowing the conversation down so both partners can express themselves clearly and listen without preparing a rebuttal. Through guided practice, couples learn how to ask for what they need and respond with empathy.
For instance, instead of interrupting or dismissing concerns about screen time limits, one partner might learn to reflect back what they heard before responding. This small but impactful switch reduces defensiveness and builds trust, making it easier to reach decisions that both people can support.
Collaborative Decision-Making Tools
Collaborative decision-making tools are techniques and frameworks introduced in therapy to help couples reach agreements without power struggles or resentment.
Here are a few examples of them:
- Shared values mapping to clarify what matters most
- Parenting priority lists to help compare concerns
- “Stop and swap” speaking turns to prevent interruptions
- Decision grids for evaluating options
- Weekly check-in templates to review what’s working
With the tools you implement or use regularly, it’s important to stay flexible and open to adjustment. What works well during one stage of parenting may need to evolve as your child grows or as life circumstances shift. The goal is to build a habit of collaboration that you and your partner can rely on.
Clarifying Unspoken Expectations
A lot can get left unsaid when parenting roles develop organically. Couples often assume they’re on the same page about what’s “normal” or “obvious” in raising children, only to discover that’s not the case.
One partner might expect the other to handle all school-related communication because that’s what their own parents did, while the other assumes decisions will be shared. Without clarifying those expectations, both partners feel let down without understanding why. Therapy makes space for these assumptions to be excavated and realigned.
Practicing Repair After Conflict
Even heated arguments can happen in the natural course of a committed relationship. What matters most is not whether disagreements occur, but how they’re handled afterward. A healthy repair process allows couples to move forward with understanding rather than lingering resentment.
In therapy, practicing repair means learning how to acknowledge hurt and take accountability. This might involve identifying the moment a rupture occurred, validating each other’s emotions, and working along the thread of tension. Couples also learn when to pause, when to revisit a conversation, and how to model resolution in a way that strengthens their bond and sets a positive example for their children.
When Should You Consider Couples Therapy for Parenting?
Couples therapy can be helpful at any stage of parenting. It’s not a resource reserved or guarded for those in a present crisis. Whether you’re dealing with frequent disagreements or simply want to strengthen your parenting partnership, therapy offers a variety of valuable tools.
That said, the decision to seek support often comes when conflicts feel repetitive, emotionally charged, or unresolved for weeks, months, and even years. If you’re both committed to doing the work—individually and together—then therapy can be a proactive part of building a stronger foundation.
Here are some indications that couples and marriage counseling are right for you:
- You feel like you’re parenting in separate silos
- One or both of you often feel undermined
- Disagreements about parenting regularly escalate
- Your child is starting to act out or show signs of stress
- You avoid important conversations about parenting
Reconnect as Parents With Therapy for Couples
If you’re feeling stuck in a loop of parenting tension and emotional distance, progress is possible in the guided space of therapy for couples. With Robin Bryant, Ph.D., rediscover how to move forward—not just as co-parents, but as a unified team.
Reach out at (917) 751-5109 today to schedule your first virtual session.